Valleys

This is a hard post for me to write. Several of you have told me that you appreciate my vulnerability in my posts. The past two days have been valleys for me. A dear friend who has moved past her battle with infertility has always reassured me that valleys will come and there is no guilt found in that, but I still feel guilty. I want to be strong, faithful and "positive" (a term my doctor always encourages me to be). For all I know, I could find out in a few days that we're pregnant. That makes me feel guilty- that I'll look back and feel guilty for being in a valley. This post is hard for me because it feels like I'm begging for encouragement but that's not what this post is about. This post is about being real, showing my weakness and helping me to process through it.


I felt my valley begin Thursday. I felt sad and I couldn't really explain why. A big part of it is that I've had a few symptoms that have made me believe the transfer didn't work and once I hit this point, I just want it to be over. I know I'm building up to the day of the test when they'll call and give the bad news, when I'll be asked in that moment if I'm going forward right away with next cycle, trying to remember to ask the questions for beginning right away again, while just wanting to hang up and cry. I also know the medications I'm on fill my body with hormones and that just exacerbates ALL of it. But through it all, I just want to forget it.


It's a valley. A valley I want to be out of. A valley I want to be over.