Things People Say

I would say I don't get offended easily. I can honestly say no one has said something that has made me angry or said something I've held on to. On my journey I've come to learn that people say things that aren't comforting. It is all meant to be comforting and I know people mean well. Here are some things I would not recommend saying...

1. "God has a plan."- Yes he does. I believe He has a plan for Joel and I. We don't know yet what that will be. We know he has a plan. Saying that doesn't teach me something new. Unless you can tell me what that plan is, it's a bad statement to say. 
2. "It'll happen when you least expect it."- When we are no longer trying, I will go back on my medicine that is used for DNCs. For anyone, if you've been waiting a long time, there isn't a pregnancy that is "unexpected." 
3. "Just relax. Have fun with it."- You've crossed the line. You're now giving advice about sex. :)
4. "He's going to come through. It will happen."- I believe God will give us a family but it may not be a biological child. One of my bigger fears through all of this is that I've torn my body apart when this was not his way for us to grow our family. It might not happen. You don't know that it will happen

If you've said one of the above things, I do not fault you (especially if you've said it to me). We want to comfort and make people feel better. It is often said that someone who is experiencing infertility is constantly, privately grieving. The best thing is to listen. Be there for them. Don't try to use your own experiences. Knowing someone who got there is just another person who made it before you. No two people's journeys are the same. Listen. Pray. And listen some more. Let them know you're here for them and pray, pray, pray for them. It's the best thing you can do!